So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
