he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
