She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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