I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
