I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
