i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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