what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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