just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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