I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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