I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
