how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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