we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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