All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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