somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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