it's great music for shaving your balls
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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