Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
