I'm so fucking centered right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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