I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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