i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
