I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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