but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
