Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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