There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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