the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
