He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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