decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
