she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
