I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
