You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
