you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
