Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
