i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
