yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
