ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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