shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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