Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
