they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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