all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
