you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
