He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
