I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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