the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
