I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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