remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
