before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
