First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
