her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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