In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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