you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
