Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
