i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
