did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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