I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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