so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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