The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
