New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
