I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
