First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
