we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
