I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
