Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
